If you can't talk to each other, talk to Accord
Accord's free and confidential 'Relationships Support Phone Line' for marriages, families and relationships, offers support to those experiencing extra pressure due to social restrictions caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. The three numbers are:
- Accord CLG – 01 531 3331
- Accord Dublin – 01 905 9555
- Accord NI – 028 9568 0151 or 00353 1 531 3331
Accord provides support line is staffed by counsellors from Monday to Friday, 9.00am to 8.00pm, and is available to anyone wanting to talk through a relationship difficulty they are experiencing (calls charged at local rates).
Calls to Accord counsellors are 45 to 60 minutes in duration, with the following issues being highlighted:
Causes of conflict: pressure and stress caused by uncertainty around security of employment; the effect on domestic finances; mental health; living in a confined environment; clashes with other family members due to poor communication; regret at being unable to grieve properly following the death of a loved one; pressure on students arising from changes in exam timetables; challenges associated with having home life converted to an office and a school; emotional impact of constant negative news reporting; and, frustration at the inability to socialise outside.
'Pressure cooker' environment: Accord counsellors have noted that people under stress at home can feel that they are living in a 'pressure cooker' environment. This situation can induce a regression in their behaviour and human interaction suffers. They can overreact to situations which in turn can cause the domestic atmosphere to deteriorate. This type of behaviour can present as either uncomfortable silences and/or very loud, explosive and noisy verbal exchanges.
Effects on children: Young people and children exposed to aggressive behaviour - whether once off or on an ongoing basis - experience fear and distress which in turn affects their personal behaviour and relationships with others. Physical isolation at home can compound trauma.
Vulnerable relationships: couples whose relationships had been under pressure prior to imposition of the COVID-19 restrictions are particularly at risk as their confinement exacerbates existing unresolved relationship issues. Being compelled to remain at home all the time, together, save for essential journeys, is magnifying existing tensions and problems.
Accord counsellors offer the following key advise tips to people at home at this time:
- For individuals living in fear at home, Accord counsellors are trained in identify and handling domestic abuse. In such situations the priority is the safety of the fearful person and their children. Accord can support an individual to develop a safety plan and can advise them of specialist crisis support contact numbers.
- In general, try and keep the lines of communication open with your spouse/partner.
- Be conscious of how you raise issues with your partner. There are productive ways and unproductive ways of raising issues.
- Talk from your own feelings first and express what is difficult for you and what you feel you need rather than blaming and being critical of your partner. Criticism usually begets defensive, stonewalling or disproportionate responses.
- Be willing to look at yourself and your behaviour in addition to your partner's shortcomings. 'What is it like to be in relationship and to live with me?' is a good question to ask ourselves.
- Self-management is a very good skill to hone in these pressurised and worrying times. It might be better to raise an issue at another time so that your partner can hear the cause of concern in a calmer context and to avoid an experience of perceived criticism or attack.
Bereavement/serious illness advice
Insofar as issues such as bereavement or serious illness impact the couple relationship, callers can discuss these issues with a counsellor on the Support Line. If the issue is about a specific personal bereavement and/or health issue, then referral to a specialist may be required.
Financial difficulties - advice and guidance
If the issue relates to how the household finances are being managed or mismanaged that may be discussed by the caller. However, Accord does not offer financial advice but counsellors have relevant details of national support services which address personal finance problems.
Contact ACCORD
Accord provides resources on its website www.accord.ie, on its Facebook page and on its Twitter account based on feedback from counsellors who have dealt with relationship and family difficulties experienced during these confined times.
ACCORD operates 55 centres throughout Ireland, offering a comprehensive range of support services if you are:
- Looking for help with marriage and relationship difficulties
- Preparing for marriage
- Seeking to enhance your relationship
- Learning more about marriage and family issues.